In my last few sessions with my therapist I’ve been talking a lot about my blog, my book and my dreams of becoming a motivational speaker one day (let’s be real – we could all use a little workin’ on by a professional once in a while). I’ve also talked a lot about a recent breakup that affected me much more than you’d ever think a two-month pseudo boyfriend would, and a nasty email I received from an ex co-worker a few weeks ago. And from this emerged a conversation around the importance of working to build a community of support for yourself.
So what do I mean when I talk about building a community of support? Well, this is something that I believe I’ve been working on for years now, but my therapist really wrapped it up in a nice bow for me. Building a community of support means surrounding yourself with people who just plain get you, people who support you, understand where you’re coming from, and serve as a mirror for your truth. It also means shutting people and situations out that perceive you incorrectly, do not want the best for you, or just don’t get it. This doesn’t mean you should surround yourself with a herd of clones. Please, never, ever do that! It just means surrounding yourself with people who can be themselves and allow you to do the same in a welcoming, and loving environment.
Sometimes when people say nasty things to us, break up with us, use their words and actions to bring us down, we tend to start wondering, wait, are they right? Am I this person they make me out to seem? Do I deserve this? And in a lot of cases, the answer is a big fat NO. A lot of times it’s a matter of people projecting their own insecurities on you, and sometimes it’s not evil, but just plain misunderstanding – like a puzzle piece that just doesn’t fit. That is why it’s so important to discover your truth, and stick to it. Do not let people’s comments, criticisms, rejection, pokes and punches allow you to forget or discount who you know in your heart you really are.
For me, I pride myself on being a consistent person. I think most people that know me, and I mean really know me, would say they pretty much get the same Sonia across any situation with few surprises. I also pride myself on being genuine, and being as transparent as possible even when the response might not be entirely positive. I am optimistic and solutions-based instead of focusing on the negative or the problem. Although I might very well hurt others sometimes (don’t we all), I never do it intentionally, and I’m always more than willing to say, “I’m sorry.” I consider myself a pretty nice, smart, reliable and fun person – although just a bit neurotic sometimes, but hey, I like to keep it interesting. I work hard, but I also play hard. I’m a dream chaser, an achievement junkie, and the biggest, most hopeless romantic you’ve ever met in your life. I have a lot of great qualities, but I’m also majorly flawed, very self-aware, and always working to be just a little bit better. That is my truth. It is the Sonia I know and love.
My point is that not everyone sees that Sonia. There are people out there who might think I’m the total opposite of what I’ve just described, people who just don’t get me, and don’t understand where I’m coming from or where I’m trying to go. The message here is that’s OK. It’s life, simple as that. What I have learned throughout my journey to HAPPY and with reassurance from the good ol’ doc, is that our focus must be on building a community for ourselves that is supportive, that gets it, and that sees our truth as we see it. And to everyone else? Bye bye suckas! What was #1 in 6 ways to self counsel?
“You are SONIA. This situation does not define you. These people do not define you. You are smart. You are capable, and you can do anything.”
That’s right. How many times have I already mentioned fighting that good fight? Well this is yet another instance of that. Being happy, centered and living a positive life does not just happen my friends. It takes work, dedication, and sometimes a little blood, sweat and many, many tears – but it’s SO incredibly worth it. So if you trust your truth with all your gut, stick to it proudly, build your community of support, and close the door on those that simply do not fit. Your happiness is your job, not theirs. Take it out of their hands, and firmly into your own.
Sonia, Word Share Junkie